This is a strange sensation suddenly coming out of my writing cave, where it's just me, a worn wooden desk, strong Earl Grey tea, and two nice lap cats alternating shifts. It's time to introduce myself to the nice people who I hope will someday read my book. I'm an introvert with an incongruous desire to have my voice heard out loud and in public. I am a writer. I've always been a writer. This started at a very young age when I learned to not talk back. I remember staring at my dad, lips pressed together and vowing, "I will remember everything and I will tell." Well that's what I did, sort of. Lucky for the universe that kind of telling was wrung out of the first drafts of this - my first - book. It was a process. I tried to write the book that I wanted to find in a crisis, hopeful and faith-filled that didn’t look away from doubt, terror, and the uncertainty that spiritual platitudes can never touch. By draft 502, compassion started seeping into the manuscript for all those people who - like me - really meant to say the right thing, really intended to show up, and might've tried.
We are all so human. And really that's the point. We are vulnerable in these bodies, on this odd planet that is prone to storms, earthquakes and gorgeous sunsets. It's all true and some days it's too much for me to hold, at least alone. That's another point. I might've noticed, after my world was knocked off its axis and began orbiting my son's unpredictable brain tumor, a lot of other people -- most everyone -- live with something. We might feel alone in our particular circumstance. But the perfect family, the perfect children, the perfect life are all just catalog fodder -- a reason to buy another Pottery Barn rug to replace the one that the old dog destroyed, or more plastic bins because we all know that we will be happier, better adjusted and maybe even sexually fulfilled if we just organize better. Believe me I've tried. Regrettably the only thing that seems to work is telling the truth to a trusted friend. Some days like today, the truth is I'm overwhelmed, a little scared too.